I’ve been thinking about differences between people a lot lately. Sometimes conversations I have make me ponder, other times it’s a church sermon or book I’ve read. But here’s the deal. There are people with differences ALL AROUND ME. It seems like our world is filled with hate and contempt, oftentimes generated out of differences between people. Sometimes these differences cause actions, and that’s a scary thing. These differences could be a belief system, skin color, socioeconomic status, political stance…anything, really.
So how do we deal with that? Do we just find people like us and stick to a world of “sameness” so as not to deal with differences? I’m going to give a caveat here and say these are just my opinions, and this is just a way for me to process some thoughts. So everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt.
Here goes:
Sometimes it seems like there’s this assumption we need to agree with people to be able to get past our differences. But I disagree with that. In fact, some of my favorite relationships over the years have been with people I disagree with for one reason or another. I like talking with people who have different opinions, because oftentimes they challenge my way of thinking. I think the key is to be able to love each other despite our differences. But the crucial part is this: it’s okay to disagree with someone and still love them. That seems to be missing from so much of our cultural expectation these days. In fact, as a Christ-follower, there’s something drastically wrong with me if I can’t love people despite any differences we have.
To take this a step further though, I think there’s a lot to be said about finding commonalities with people. Sometimes we focus too much on our differences, and not what we have in common. I’ve found, over and over again, when I can connect with someone over something we have in common, it’s the start of a true conversation. There’s a time and a place to have a conversation about differences, but it helps to find some commonalities.
I think the topic of differences weighs heavy on my heart right now because on a practical level I have to deal with this in my own life. My husband and I are a mixed-race couple. We have two kids, which means they are mixed. They each look different than me, and different than each other. As my oldest will start school soon, I’m anticipating the questions. But here’s the radical thing: my husband and I have so much in common. In fact, the things we care MOST about, we have in common. We love Jesus, prioritize our family, and we enjoy doing the same things for fun. So, do we have differences? Sure, but we have a whole lot more of the “same” than we do “different.” We rarely notice those types of differences. Usually our differences fall more along the lines of how to load the dishwasher.
For my kids, I want them to find things in common with other kids. I want them to figure out what they have that’s the same. But at the end of the day, I want my kids to know who they are in Christ, to have a strong identity that matters more than any external feature. And as a result, I want my kids to treat people well. I want them to see other kids for their insides, even if they’re “different” in some way. I want them to understand it’s okay to be different, but it doesn’t change how we treat people. In no way am I saying I won’t teach my kids that Jesus is the Way, Truth, and Life. On the contrary, I want to teach them BECAUSE he is the Way, Truth, and Life, we need to treat people with respect.
I can honestly say I have to improve in expanding my world. I can live in a little bubble easily. But I am challenged to treat people well—especially people who are different than me. Because I know it’s my example that paves the way for my kids, and that’s a pretty scary challenge.